before y'all begin pelting me with hard, jagged objects and shooting dirty looks in my general direction with the precision and accuracy of a vietnam vet in his heyday, give me a paragraph or so to explain my phantom-like status since august 15th. hold up..i see you with the ninja star in hand. we will all have our turn. just wait for yours. atta boy.
i'm not a big fan of lying. fibbing, maybe. misleading, perhaps. embellishing, only when it's necessary for the sake of the children. nonetheless, here goes. when i first entered this fine institution way back in 2001, my parents and i went shopping for computers. i was all about the laptop, going from display model to display model fidgeting with each computer's amenities. my parents, however, winced at the thought, citing more than one example of my chronic absent-mindedness to back up their notion that i would lose this pricey piece of machinery within a fortnight. "get the desktop!" they said in cult-like unison. "just look at how much more memory it has..and there's no way you could leave it anywhere where someone could take it." i didn't want to burst their broke-college-kids-are-indeed-moral-and-wouldn't-steal-electronics-to-afford-books-and-or-drugs notion, but when i pictured myself tippy-tapping out a paper in the wee hours of the morning hopped up on red bull and pixie stix, i just couldn't forsee my academic career advancing sitting before a device weighing more than i did. so i held fast, presented my argument, pouted a bit, and left the store with a sony viao notebook. who wins? do you even have to ask?
though i promised my mother that i would shut down and lock up my new toy whenever i exited my dorm room, i decided that putting up a snarky away message alluding to my whereabouts was a lot more adventageous than not pissing away her and my father's dinero. caped crusaders never did run off with my compy, and the viao has served me better than those b2k baby-thugs ever dreamed. while all those fools with hps and compaqs were crying over their fried motherboards and virus-infested pop-ups, the viao was like a well-behaved lapdog, minus the annoying yipping and pooping in handbags. each assignment saved without backtalk, advertisments were minimal, connection speed untouchable. could a desktop do that? maybe..but my friends were too busy kicking and cursing theirs to see if it was possible.
everything was kosher til, in the middle of typing a paper for gender and sexuality worth 40 percent of my grade that was due in less than 8 hours, the words on my monitor began to dance. a waltz this was not, but more like an extacy-induced writhing displayed primarily by rave kids sucking pacifiers and twirling glowsticks. i screamed, hit save repeatedly..first to the hard drive and then to disk, screamed some more, and watched in horror as the screen went from hi-def to no-def. zip. zilch. black as the night itself. i calmly got up from my chair and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed, but even my clean and clear couldn't wipe the disbelief from my face. i had been betrayed by more two-faced hizzos and unfaithful boyfriends countless times, but this was a different kind of bond. it was deeper. it was meaningful. it was going to be fucking expensive to repair.
luckily i was able to complete my paper the next morning at work, but i still couldn't shake the proverbial slap in the face i received from the viao. when i arrived home, there it sat on my desk, cold and motionless, like an oyster stubbornly refusing to relinquish custody of its treasured pearl. i called the parentals with my tale of woe, and after mooching off my roommates' equipment for the next few excruciatingly long days, i packed it up and in and headed home, where i became the proud mama of a sweet-ass samsung flat-panel to get me through the rest of the year. it was on that fateful trip, however, that i left a disk containing quite a few blog entries on my nightstand. though this was in early october and i have been home subsequent times since then, that godbefrigged disk always seems to allude my "remember to bring this crap back to school" list. i swear the thing's even jumped out of my backpack twice. clearly, this is not my fault. technology is a bitch.
so there you have it, the very much roundabout explanation for the lack of hahas, teehees, and countless i totally know how you feels for these past few months. try to find it in your blackened hearts to forgive. you can start throwing stuff now if there's an i.o.u. where your soul should be. helmet, on.
..soooOOOOOO glad that's off my non-existant chest,
lex
i'm not a big fan of lying. fibbing, maybe. misleading, perhaps. embellishing, only when it's necessary for the sake of the children. nonetheless, here goes. when i first entered this fine institution way back in 2001, my parents and i went shopping for computers. i was all about the laptop, going from display model to display model fidgeting with each computer's amenities. my parents, however, winced at the thought, citing more than one example of my chronic absent-mindedness to back up their notion that i would lose this pricey piece of machinery within a fortnight. "get the desktop!" they said in cult-like unison. "just look at how much more memory it has..and there's no way you could leave it anywhere where someone could take it." i didn't want to burst their broke-college-kids-are-indeed-moral-and-wouldn't-steal-electronics-to-afford-books-and-or-drugs notion, but when i pictured myself tippy-tapping out a paper in the wee hours of the morning hopped up on red bull and pixie stix, i just couldn't forsee my academic career advancing sitting before a device weighing more than i did. so i held fast, presented my argument, pouted a bit, and left the store with a sony viao notebook. who wins? do you even have to ask?
though i promised my mother that i would shut down and lock up my new toy whenever i exited my dorm room, i decided that putting up a snarky away message alluding to my whereabouts was a lot more adventageous than not pissing away her and my father's dinero. caped crusaders never did run off with my compy, and the viao has served me better than those b2k baby-thugs ever dreamed. while all those fools with hps and compaqs were crying over their fried motherboards and virus-infested pop-ups, the viao was like a well-behaved lapdog, minus the annoying yipping and pooping in handbags. each assignment saved without backtalk, advertisments were minimal, connection speed untouchable. could a desktop do that? maybe..but my friends were too busy kicking and cursing theirs to see if it was possible.
everything was kosher til, in the middle of typing a paper for gender and sexuality worth 40 percent of my grade that was due in less than 8 hours, the words on my monitor began to dance. a waltz this was not, but more like an extacy-induced writhing displayed primarily by rave kids sucking pacifiers and twirling glowsticks. i screamed, hit save repeatedly..first to the hard drive and then to disk, screamed some more, and watched in horror as the screen went from hi-def to no-def. zip. zilch. black as the night itself. i calmly got up from my chair and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed, but even my clean and clear couldn't wipe the disbelief from my face. i had been betrayed by more two-faced hizzos and unfaithful boyfriends countless times, but this was a different kind of bond. it was deeper. it was meaningful. it was going to be fucking expensive to repair.
luckily i was able to complete my paper the next morning at work, but i still couldn't shake the proverbial slap in the face i received from the viao. when i arrived home, there it sat on my desk, cold and motionless, like an oyster stubbornly refusing to relinquish custody of its treasured pearl. i called the parentals with my tale of woe, and after mooching off my roommates' equipment for the next few excruciatingly long days, i packed it up and in and headed home, where i became the proud mama of a sweet-ass samsung flat-panel to get me through the rest of the year. it was on that fateful trip, however, that i left a disk containing quite a few blog entries on my nightstand. though this was in early october and i have been home subsequent times since then, that godbefrigged disk always seems to allude my "remember to bring this crap back to school" list. i swear the thing's even jumped out of my backpack twice. clearly, this is not my fault. technology is a bitch.
so there you have it, the very much roundabout explanation for the lack of hahas, teehees, and countless i totally know how you feels for these past few months. try to find it in your blackened hearts to forgive. you can start throwing stuff now if there's an i.o.u. where your soul should be. helmet, on.
..soooOOOOOO glad that's off my non-existant chest,
lex
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